everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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