Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
