At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
