It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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