You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
