Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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