I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
