i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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