Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
