So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
