OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
