And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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