Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
never play flip cup with pint glasses
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Randomize
