I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
