She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
