She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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