I can't watch pbs sober anymore
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
