Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Randomize
