I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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