I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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