haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
