New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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