Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
