I must be too annoying 4 u.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
