Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
