Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
