the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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