Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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