You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
