Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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