Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
