so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So gin and wine won't be happening again
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Randomize
