it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
