if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
