I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
should my penis look like a turkey
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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