The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
