I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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