i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Randomize
