According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
