Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
