I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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