the condom got lost in my hair
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
