Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
