He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I did not marry a roomba.
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