whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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