i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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