Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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