I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
