I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
