Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
