Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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