I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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