Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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