Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
