saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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